 |
| Allow kids to experience failure. (Photo courtesy of realworldracingphotog, Creative Commons license) |
I’ve known a lot of kids in my 18 years of teaching, and
I’ve witnessed those kids experience many ups and downs. A frequently
experienced “down” is failure...how to accept it and how to deal with it.
Unfortunately, too many of today’s kids have no idea how to manage failure in
their lives. As parents, how can you help your kids navigate these treacherous
waters? It’s not easy, but here are a few steps to try.
1. Don’t be a helicopter. The term,
“helicopter parent” has become more common in the last decade. It describes a
parent who constantly hovers over their children to prevent any misfortune from
befalling them. While the aim of this behavior is noteworthy, the end result is
not. Kids with helicopter parents never experience failure and therefore, they don’t
learn how to pick themselves up and start walking again. As difficult as it may
be, do not become a helicopter parent. Let your kids stumble and fall so they
can learn from the experience. Closely related to helicopter parents are the...
2. Superhero parents. These parents rush in
to save the day every time there is failure or trouble. This is also a recipe for
disaster. Kids have to learn how to deal with disappointment, conflict, and
failure. Give your child the opportunity to be a problem solver. Parental
intervention should be the last resort, not the first. Your child will learn
far more when they deal with issues on their own.
 |
| Bad grade? Teach kids to manage the feelings of failure and disappointment. (Photo courtesy of Ektor, Creative Commons license) |
3. Teach kids how to accept failure. Let’s
face it, the world is tough. Failure lurks around every corner, and we have to
know how to accept it. Help kids to approach failure with courage and a plan
for improvement. Bad test grade? Work on study strategies to be more prepared
the next time. Didn’t make the sports team? Improve some skills to be ready for
next year. The team didn’t win its game or competition? Congratulate the
winners with a smile, and know that maybe the next game will be better.
Whining, crying, and complaining don’t change anything. Action steps help kids
strive to do better in the future.
An ideal scenario to help teach acceptance of failure is
the family board game night. Typically, there’s only one winner in the game,
and everyone else loses. Losing is a painful, but important, lesson that we all
must master. Parents can model what it looks like to be a graceful loser and
how to handle to the disappointment of failure.
 |
| A family game night helps kids learn to manage failure as there can only be one winner. (Photo Courtesy of Michael Beck, Creative Commons license) |
4. It’s okay to be disappointed. Failure
often brings disappointment, and it’s acceptable to feel that way. Instead of
dwelling on the feelings that accompany disappointment, help kids to work
through them by finding an outlet.
Talking, writing, exercising, or even crying are coping strategies.
Sometimes a good cry clears the senses, and it’s easier to move forward from
there.
